Thoughts and music of double J x

Two Ways To Say Goodbye!

goodbye2The Two Ways of Saying Goodbye

When in a serious relationship and in love with someone, if the relationship falters and you are not receiving the love that you deserve, you will most probably reach a point of wanting to end the relationship. There are two ways of saying “goodbye”, a real one and a false one. It is imperative to understand both “goodbyes”, separating the two and decide which one inevitably is the correct one to choose. Unfortunately, a majority of people will incorrectly choose the “false” goodbye. This can lead to emotional distress, depression, frustration and prolong the helpless feelings of a broken heart. A false goodbye will cause an unhealthy relationship to drag on needlessly. Let us take a look at the vast difference of false goodbyes and real ones. It is then that you may see that taking the road of a real goodbye can save you so much additional pain.

Regrettably, relationships can become unhinged. Whether there is logic to it or not, one person in the relationship may begin to mistreat the other. They may distance themselves, abuse the other physically, verbally or emotionally, and show an increasing lack of concern and love. They may break the bonds of trust, not follow through on what seemed to be heartfelt promises, the list is endless. In any case, the person on the receiving end is feeling frustrated, confused and usually ultimately dismayed with the other person’s behavior. Anger may result, as feelings of rejection develop. One may be tremendously let down that they are not receiving the love that they are worthy of. It is a time of discontent and sorrow.

That feeling of loneliness, lack of receiving adequate love and an overall dissatisfaction can lead one to decide it is time to say “goodbye”. The problem arises when they in fact, state a false goodbye. What is a false goodbye? A false goodbye is one in which you hope that by saying goodbye, the other person will be prompted to change their ways. Alternatively, you may even believe in your heart that you truly mean to say a real goodbye. However, unwittingly and subconsciously you are saying a fake goodbye, thus extending the pain of a breakup. There is a clear-cut way to decipher if you are giving a false goodbye. Once realizing this, you can understand what a real goodbye is, and implement this knowledge to free yourself from a relationship gone bad. This will allow you to pursue a new relationship in which you will receive the love that you deserve.

Concerning a false goodbye, it is irrelevant as to what type of mistreatment you received in the relationship. The important factor is to ask yourself this: have you really decided to give yourself the relief of ending an unhealthy relationship and are you prepared to do it properly. A false goodbye is just that. It sends out the signal that you are not prepared to end the relationship. It signifies that you are not truly ready to begin your life anew.

If you have wisely reached the point of wanting to leave a relationship that you know if not good for you, it serves you no benefit to hand out a false goodbye. If the relationship is over, if the other person has betrayed you, if they have proven to be unworthy of your love, there is absolutely no need to enter into a long discussion of why you are ending the relationship. In this case, the other person knows why you want to end the relationship. If they have consistently lied, they know it. If they have betrayed you, they know it. If they are mistreated you, they know it.

When saying goodbye, if you run through a long list of everything you have perceived as unacceptable behavior on their part, you are giving a false “goodbye”. Establishing the fact that they are in full knowledge of why you wish to leave, if you talk about their shortcoming in endless detail, you are not really saying goodbye. What you are doing, is attempting to make them see their errors. You are attempting, in vain, to prompt them to change their behavior. You are in a false reality, believing that if you can only somehow convince them that they have mistreated you, that they will realize it and begin to treat you in the way that you deserve. You may even believe that you are truly saying goodbye forever. However, if you are discussing in length the reasons for doing so, when you very well know that it is information the other is fully aware of, you are undoubtedly not in fact saying goodbye.

It is important to understand that true love is difficult to obtain. One usually enters in and out of various relationships, before finding their “other half”. It is a sometimes long and painful journey. It is a journey that will lead to some heartbreaks and disappointment. It is a journey that you must undertake if you wish to find happiness at the end of the road.

When you realize you must separate yourself from the person who is causing you emotional pain, when you truly believe that you do not deserve mistreatment, you will be ready to say a real goodbye. When you beyond doubt understand that it is in your best interest to separate from this person, you will be ready to stop giving false goodbyes.

What is a real goodbye? It is a solid, authentic goodbye, is which words are not said to convince the other person that they mistreated you. If you are certain that the relationship must end, there is absolutely no purpose to talk of their misdoings. It serves utterly no function to discuss how you were mistreated. There is no benefit to trying to make them understand your pain and sadness.

If true love were mutual, you would not be in the position of wanting to end things. If you have recognized that they just simply do not care enough about you, do you think they care to hear the endless reasons that you are leaving? If they mistreated you during the relationship, they will not care that you are sad. They will not care if you cry yourself to sleep each night. They do not care. If they pretend to be ignorant of their behavior, it is unquestionably an effort to continue a relationship in which you allow them to mistreat you.

We have already established that any rational person undeniably knows they mistreated you. It is a fact that endless words cannot change a person’s core personality. You are smart enough to know that the key elements that you seek in a truly loving and healthy relationship. You know that attempting to fix a “bad” relationship will not work. When ready to walk away, you must present a real goodbye.

This is not to imply that saying a real goodbye is an easy task. Saying goodbye to someone that has been a huge part of your life can be extremely emotionally difficult. There will most probably be tears. There will be a phase of sadness, a feeling of isolation and perhaps depression. You may feel you will never love again. Nevertheless, you know deep in your heart that these feeling are not permanent. Life goes on; each second that passes brings you closer to a new phase in your life.

If you understand and accept the above facts, prepare yourself for a real goodbye. If you are ready to say a genuine goodbye, the only reason you should be stating is that you are not going to continue with the relationship. You will not disgrace yourself to a long conversation of your suffering. If they failed you in the relationship, they certainly will not provide support during the process of the breakup. If you are truly ready to move on with your life, say goodbye in the most dignified way you can: Short, simple and to the point. Prepare for the emotional change, recognize that life will continue, keep your head held up high. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of explaining things that need no explanation. Say a real goodbye.

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